Today is the anniversary of a really tragic day in my life. I don't talk about it much. I'm not necessarily sure why I don't talk about it much. I don't know if it's sensitivity to the subject. It could be just an unwillingness to speak. I'm not sure what it could be. On this day, 26 years ago, I lost my father.
I was 6 years old when it happened. The story is still pretty vague to me. Mostly because I was so young, and I (by my choice) didn't ask a lot of questions about the passing of my father. I just know that Daddy wanted to do something in Manhattan after work and that was it. I learned that he went to Manhattan to be a peacemaker in an issue between mutual friends.
I often question why my dad chose to go that day. I sometimes question why my mom would let him go out without coming straight home from work. The one thing I don't question is God in all this. I thought about the words my grandfather told me when he shared the news of my father's death with me. He told me that God has a reason for this. He didn't know what the reason was right then. I didn't either. However I look at my life now and realize that everything ends up for the good. What Satan intended for evil, God intended for good.
The one thing about this whole ordeal is that I don't think I ever really came to terms with it. I mean, yes I understood that this had a reason. However, I just don't think I ever really lashed out like one would. I never showed a lot of frustration with it. I never really got into fights; never showed a lot of jealousy for boys who had their dads there. Is that a bad thing? At first I thought it was. I wondered why I didn't get (excuse my tone) truly pissed off. I've never wanted to find the men who took my dad away from me. I think that episode of Desperate Housewives where MJ came to terms with his dad's death reminded me of my ordeal. I wasn't given a basketful of stale homemade jam to pitch into a garage wall. In fact, we didn't even have a garage where we lived. All I had was my mom, my sister, and whatever Voltron toys I had at the time.
God gave me a peace that I will never understand. To this day, I am thankful that God didn't allow me to truly lash out and show frustration. I'm thankful because now I see where I am today. How God has blessed me beyond anything I could possibly imagine. I don't know for certain if I would have my relationship with God if my father would have stayed alive. I don't know if I would have even moved to South Carolina, where I accepted Christ at 12 years old.
Always remember that no matter what happens in your life, God intends it for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment