Thursday, September 6, 2012

Real Talk

This past weekend, I had a pretty funny experience.  If you're an animal activist, feel free to scroll down to the end of this.  A bat came into my home.  I won't go into major detail, but one of us wasn't coming out alive, and I'm still blogging.  A broom, bug spray, fallen blinds, a golf club, and a plastic bag were among the many items used in the battle with the bat.  

Now I know what you're thinking, how could you do this to a little bat?  Well it's simple.  It's my house.  If you're in my house unwelcome, I have the right to remove you in any condition I see fit.  I hate to break it to you, but this is my property.  

Now I have to go on a bit of a tangent.  I hear a lot about shark attacks in America.  In fact, there is a movie about a shark attack and how a girl survived to become a superstar surfer.  Good for her.  However, I'm going to offend some people with this.  It wasn't a shark attack.  In fact, there are no such things as shark attacks.  Shark attacks do not happen.  You see, what you call shark attacks, sharks call defending their property.  Do you live in water?  No, you don't.  When you go swimming in the ocean and a shark bites your foot off, it's because you were in their house.  When I hear the news talking about shark attacks, the first thing I say is, "sharks are walking on land now?"  If a shark gets out of the water and mauls you, by all means call it a shark attack.  However, when you're in the water, you are trespassing.

If I see any type of creature come into my house that doesn't belong or live there, they are in deep doo doo. I have no care for trespassers.  

Just a question for the vegetarians/vegans/animal activists.  If you love animals so much, why do you eat all their food?

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