Friday, August 13, 2010

It's Just a Number (Famous Last Words)

Today is Friday the 13th.  How many of you have been freaked out?  How many of you try to avoid breaking mirrors?  How many of you hate going under ladders?  Have you ever been afraid to open an umbrella indoors?  Who holds their breath while crossing railroad tracks?  If you do any of those things, I have one thing to say.  You're all stupid. 

Okay, maybe that was a mean thing to say, but heavens people, it's just a day.  I walked under a ladder and haphazardly carried a mirror around today.  Look, I understand you having particular patterns and idiosyncracies that you must carry out.  That's cool.  However don't pass your obnoxious fears along to me.  I won't fall for it.  You ever get up on the wrong side of the bed?  I don't because my bed is against the wall.  There is no wrong side.  Usually I don't walk under ladders, not because I'm spooked, but because I'm too tall.  I opened an umbrella indoors once, my mom fussed.  However nothing of great significance has happened to me because of it. 

I'm sorry if I've ruined your unwarranted fears, but you have to learn this.  And just to put it out there, putting 666 on anything doesn't make you a rebel.  It makes you a moron.  It's silly to use the 666 as your own personal way to put fear into others.  Yes it is Satan's number, but it's also the number you hit before you get to 667.  Don't freak out if it pops up on your grocery receipt.  You're not going to spew split pea soup on the cashier.  Although if you do, please video it and put it on YouTube. 

The number 13 isn't bad luck.  There's no such thing as luck.  You make your own luck.  Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.  In other words, if you get things right, good things happen. Seven isn't a lucky number either.  It is the number of completion, however it is the scariest number in the world, since seven ate nine.  Truth be told, superstition is a silly thing.  Pitchers who avoid touching the chalk on the baseball field.  That dude who plays for the Seahawks who smacks himself bloody in the face with his helmet.  That's all stupid.  You want a real superstition, eat healthy.  Do that everyday.  You'd be surprised how better off you'd be instead of buying a Milky Way so your grocery till doesn't look so scary.

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