Backwards and Forwards

It's been a pretty long time since my last blog.  In fact, it's the been since December.  A lot has happened to me in the past 6 months.  I'll catch you up before getting to the meat of my journal.  First of all, I am currently enrolled at the University of Phoenix to gain my provisional license in special education.  This is my 5th week of school.  I only have one week to go.  Then I could possibly become a special education teacher as early as the next school year.  Also, the school year is over and I am officially on summer break.  I am so excited to finally get rest and relaxation. 

Now on to the subject.  Before I go any further, I will basically say that I will not address this anymore.  This is the one and only time I will talk about this subject, and I won't go any further at all on this blog. Over the past four months up until a couple of weeks ago, I had a very special friend in my life.  Someone who I truly cared for and wished nothing but good for.  We did a lot together, hung out a lot, and gotten really close.  However over the last two weeks, things changed.  What changed, I wish I could tell you.  The easy answer would be the friend.  The diplomatic answer would be me.  However I'm not easy, nor am I diplomatic.  It just seemed like I wasn't the right person in their eyes.  I wasn't right either.  I was hurt and did what any person would do when someone's loyalties change.  I lashed out, said mean things, and just neglected to be as Christian as I should have been.  However I apologized and tried to move on.  Become a better friend.  However this friend isn't interested in making amends.  I went out of my way to send a very detailed email wishing this friend and their loved ones well wishes and blessings.  I know that most people are able to forgive and try to work things out.  This person is not.  That left me at a crossroads.  I wondered if I was wasting my time, or if I even wasted my time with this person for four months.  Some of my friends who aren't as forgiving as I am said that I was better off without them.  Others have said that they appreciated my effort to make things right.  They were thankful that I gave them an example of how to restore a relationship and friendship.  However the one person who needs to appreciate that the most has not made an effort to even speak to me eye to eye.  I always believe that if you have something important to say to someone, you say it face to face.  Text messages and emails are no way to speak to other people about important matters like that.  I don't know if avoiding people who have been good to you is the best way to handle something.  When someone treats you like dirt, then you avoid them.  If they put out an effort to destroy you, then of course you don't speak to them anymore.  However if a person has been nothing but friendly to you, and then you want to avoid them completely, I have to question your maturity.  Maturity is being able to be cordial and friendly with someone.  Maturity is being able to give someone else the honor and respect to at the very least look them in the eye when you have a problem with them.  The high road means you speak to them like an adult.  Like I said, I'm not innocent.  I said some harsh things.  However in the heat of the moment, I believe you can have those types of episodes when you're hurt.  Pain causes things to be done differently.  However the pain was caused by misdirections, wavering ideals, and changes in philosophy on almost a daily basis.  The pain was caused by a lack of defense when someone said something about me that simply wasn't true.  When someone tells you that I'm lazy and unmotivated, I believe that you defend them.  I believe you tell them everything they've done right.  You don't just nod your head.  When you want me to have your back in something, I want my back had just the same.  Maturity is lacking when you allow others to say things about a special friend of yours that you say you care about tremendously.  Maturity is lacking when that special friend pours their heart out to you and tells you that they are sorry and are wanting to restore the friendship, and all you can do is scoff at them and ignore them.  So I've made a decision.  If you can't find the maturity it takes to speak to me eye to eye like an adult, then you ought not be in my life.  If you can't accept an effort to restore a friendship, then don't bother being friends with anyone.  From now on, my efforts will go towards those who are mature enough to handle a bump in the road.  When there are way more worst things happening in your life or has happened in your life, and you won't walk away from those...what is different about this situation.

I know that this is long and slightly fish bowl-ish, but I believe a good venting is what you need.  If that special friend decides that the relationship can be somewhat restored, I'll be waiting.  Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it.  Some people handle things a lot less maturely than their age or experiences would lead you to believe.