What Happened to...

I'm sure most of you are aware of the results of last night's Sugar Bowl.  Now I playfully pick on the teams that made it there.  I'm still a believer that Boise State and Kansas State should have been in that game before Michigan and Virginia Tech based on season results. I'd throw Arkansas in the mix, but that whole 2 teams per conference in BCS bowl games messes that up.  However, those facts don't take away from the fact that the game was absolutely fantastic to watch.  Two teams did everything they could to stay ahead of their opponent. The game went back and forth.  Players gave their hearts.  There was a pretty controversial play in overtime.  It's pretty clear that either way was going to cause controversy.  I truly believe that the referees and replay officials weren't going to be right to everyone in that situation.  However, that wasn't the troubling thing.  The troubling thing was all the posts, comments, and thoughts broadcast on my facebook page.  Some of these posts were very troubling because there was blame shifting, accusations of referee payoffs, and belief that there is a bias against a college.  To actually think that an entire institution like the NCAA would be so against your school that they would cost you a game on purpose, it's not asinine, it's not asi-ten, it's not asi-eleven, it's asi-twelve (thank you Stephen A. Smith).  To think that a school would have the gall to pay off a set of referees to cost you something; risking career, livelihood, family, and possibly freedom?  Come on, man.  Look, I understand that being a fan means sometimes having an emotional attachment to a team, but to act like a 4 year old and throw tantrums on the Internet because things didn't go your way makes sports so unwatchable to some people.  I love sports and sometimes I do become emotionally invested, but I never get to a point where I believe in fixes and rigging of games.  If your favorite team loses, it's because the other team scored more points.  You look at the things you did wrong and reduce them for next year.  You look at the things you did right and do that more.  I'm sure I'm offending a lot of people, but I don't care.  You all offended me with your pettiness. You annoyed me with how you took a bunch of 18-22 year old men, deified them, and then put all this undue pressure on them to win a football game that pretty much NONE of you have any stake in outside of bragging rights.  Unless of course you put money on them, then you're an idiot.  You put hard earned money on people who think that the Jersey Shore is a philosophical masterpiece.  Point being, just enjoy the game.  Be sad if they lose, but don't blame the referees, the replay booth, or any other entity.  The coach of your favorite team wouldn't do it, won't let his players do it, and would rather his fans not do it either.

New Respect

I don't know if you've read the story or heard about it, but the Pittsburgh Steelers did something that makes me smile and proud to be a football fan.  They are benching one of their best players to save his life.  Safety Ryan Clark has a rare blood disorder associated with sickle cell.  Due to this condition, he is at high risk when he plays football to begin with.  It heightens when he's in high altitudes, such as Denver, Colorado.  Denver is the site of the Steelers' Wild Card game.  Imagine having to go without one of your best players when he's perfectly healthy and can move just fine.  Coach Mike Tomlin says that it's just a football game, and that a man's life is not worth a game.  I wish more people thought this way in life.  I've seen parents and coaches of high school and even younger players take games like this with such seriousness, that you'd think it's a matter of national security.  I used to live in a city where adults would absolutely lose their minds, blame referees being paid off, and pretty much bet their children's college funds on a HIGH SCHOOL football team.  They expect to win every game, and if they didn't, there was a weird black cloud that kind of floated above the city.  What happened to "for the love of the game" that people preach so much about.  I hate to brag about myself, actually no I don't, but when I coached youth basketball I promised myself that it would be about the kids having fun.  I made it a purpose to have my teams smiling and happy to be on the court enjoying themselves.  I know that professional sports is a different animal in that paychecks are a big part of how you play or don't play people.  That's what makes what the Steelers did all the more awesome.  To care about a person's life more than a game just tells me that Mike Tomlin gets it.  He understands that this man has a family that loves him.  A family that wants him to be around when he's retired.  High class Pittsburgh.  Kind of makes me feel bad that my Packers whipped you in the Super Bowl last year.   Actually, no that was still awesome.

Toilet Humor

I will say that in my 29 years and 35 months of living on this planet, one thing I've noticed is that women are perceptive.  They have insight and intuition that would make you wonder if they're psychic or have some kind of magic window into the future.  If a woman has a suspicion that her husband or boyfriend is cheating on her, she's usually right.  If a woman sees a man from about 100 feet, they can tell by how they walk whether or not the guy is worth dating.  Women know when to go out, when to dress up, what side the salad fork goes, and other things that makes you think, "Lady, don't you have anything better to do?"  However there is one thing that for some reason, they can't figure out.  One thing that no matter how many times they get nailed by it, they continue to complain about it.  For some strange reason or another, it eats away at them.  Women for some reason, don't know whether a toilet seat is down or not.  You don't know how many times I hear women complain about the toilet seat being up.  I wonder if these women back up like a semi-truck without looking at the toilet.  It's the one time that they just can't believe that the seat is up.  Women have the best perception of any creature on the planet, yet they can't be bothered to check something.  It's not really that hard to do either. The seat isn't that heavy.  In fact, I can pick up a toilet seat with my pinkie.  Don't want to, but I can.  Putting a seat down is even easier, you have gravity to help you get it down.  Seriously, this bothers me.  Way back, George W. Bush and the U.S. military had a devil of a time finding Saddam Hussein.  All you have to do is tell a woman that Saddam Hussein was trying to steal her man at about 8 o'clock in the morning, she will have found him by 8 o'clock that night.  However, she can't tell whether a porcelain oval is 9 to 11 inches away from  a big hole?  Confuses me to no end.  And don't tell me about it being too dark to see.  You'll turn on every light in the house to make sure your purse matches your shoes, yet you won't turn on a light to see where you're peeing?  Priorities, people.

Fresh New Year

Every year around this time, people set these New Years Resolutions.  You know, these things that are supposed to help you change your life and become a better person.  I realized that if I'm going to become a better person, I first need to figure out who I should be better than.  Well if you believe the way I believe, then you're in a 6 to 7 billion way tie for worst person ever.  Yes there are some nice people in the world who do some marvelous things.  My family is pretty awesome if you ask me.  However we all fail in comparison to the Ultimate Better Person, Jesus.  Yeah I know that trying to be as good as Jesus is an endeavor that 9 times out of ten, we fail miserably at.  And of course that tenth time, it's just downright embarrassing.  Hmm, so what do we do?  Pretty simple really, just keep swimming.  Isn't that what that little blue fish said in Finding Nemo?  Never stop trying to improve.  However never forget that the best person to compare yourself to is not that lousy neighbor with the loud kids or that co-worker who smells like they've been working really hard.  You should compare yourself to the only person worthy of being called The Better Person, then you'll see that you have a long way to go.  And then you'll keep trying to do better and better.

My New Years Resolution

Here's my resolution, it's simple.  Be honest.  I'm usually honest except for when I try to tell people how I'm doing.  I never tell the truth.  I always say that I'm fine, or I'm not sure yet because it's 6 in the morning and I haven't had any coffee, tea, or contact with direct sunlight.  This year, if you ask me how I'm doing, you had better be ready to get a good long explanation about my mindset.  You're not getting all the gory details, but you will get a pretty good answer to a question that most of the time is dismissed.  And if you do try to walk away before I actually tell you how I'm doing, I will tell you how I'm doing loudly.

My Other New Years Resolutions

First, I'm going to work on this blog a lot more.  Seems like I dismiss this blog and forget to share my thoughts more.  So, I'm going to try to do this every day.  Second, I'm going to finish my kids' book.  It's at the last chapter, I just haven't thought about finishing it.  I know that this book could be a fun read for upper elementary kids.  Maybe I can make some coin and go on a date with the recently single Katy Perry.  The rest could go to singing lessons for her.

To be or not to be...

Irony has a funny way of testing your sincerity.  As a lot of you know, I've been interviewing for special education teaching positions pretty much all summer long.  Kind of like The Oscars, it's an honor just to be nominated, right?  To be asked to come in to interview for a position, particularly one that I don't have top notch credentials for, is a pretty good testament to how respected I am.  At least that's how I see it.  Could be just a "we need to interview one of them" kind of deal.  If that were the case, I'd be highly bothered.  However, I'm almost certain from the feedback I've gotten from my interviews that they truly respected who I was, what I was about, and what I could potentially bring to the table.  However each time I've been rejected.  I always say that rejection is just a head start for someone to see what they're missing.  In the end, I totally get that I was behind the 8-ball from the start.  Nothing bad, just a couple of high quality things missing from my resume.  That's not what's bugging me though.  The bothersome thing is that two of the positions went to people I consider to be acquaintances.  Nice people who are probably worthy of the position.  Heck, I even gave one them information on the benefits of working for the county I work for now.  Even gave the supervisor that person's number to schedule interviews and what not.  Then come to find out that the folks that I like and don't really have issues with got the jobs that I interviewed for.  I'm not sure where the line is between happy for success and angry from being rejected.  Of course they had no way of knowing I was interviewing for the positions they received, unless someone blabbed, so I know it wasn't deliberate.  They need jobs like anyone else.  However I don't know if my good nature keeps me from being cutthroat and opportunistic enough to ever get the job that I want.  I want my friends and anyone capable of doing the job I apply for to be able to get the jobs.  However I need to figure out if my want to is as large my hope for.  I know for certain that God has a plan for me.  God wants me to be totally taken care of.  However how should I feel when two godly people ask for the same thing from the same God?  Should I say, "well if that person wants it, they can have it" or should I be like, "that's mine, I want it" without coming off too covetous.  It's a hard road being a Christian, I've realized this.  My Christian side wants me to encourage all to be truly happy and blessed and to get all the desires of their heart.  However my fleshly side wants me to be highly ticked that people I respect and like could get something I wanted so badly.  I believe in my heart that I will be teaching special education somewhere.  I'd love to do it locally as I have ties and friends.  Plus there's that whole proving some people that didn't believe in me wrong thing.  That last part is a bit fleshly, I know, but truth be told, that's how I feel.  It's my blog.  I have to put the hammerlock on those that are trying to take what is mine without actually injuring someone.  That's hard to do, considering how generous I've been pretty much all my life.  Being a cutthroat, heartless sleazeball isn't anything I'm capable of.  However being a doormat isn't so hot either.

Am I Wrong for Questioning?

I guess it's safe to say that these past seven days have been the worst in my life.  It started last Tuesday when I found out that I didn't get a job that I interviewed for.  I wasn't necessarily disappointed about it.  I knew that it was a long shot.  I was kind of inexperienced in high school special education.  The only experience with special education I had was with elementary school kids.  It still kind of hurt that I couldn't get the job, but I'm sure whoever got the job is worthy of it.  And then of course you all know about Thursday.  In case you don't know, my grandmother passed away.  My grandmother was my friend, my homey, and my hero.  I won't dwell on it too much, but I was miserable and I guess to a lesser extent, still not at my best.  After driving back to my family, I got a little comfort.  However after driving back to Virginia, I went to a dinner.  Dinner was good, but I kind of felt out of place.  I mean I know that I hadn't seen the people I was with that much, but it could have been nice to get more than a half-hearted "hey" out of them.  I was barely spoken to.  When I spoke, it was like air deflated from the table.  So I just kept to myself and enjoyed my popcorn shrimp and fries.  I wish someone would tell me what I did wrong.  Probably won't happen though, people aren't very good at expressing themselves honestly.  Then today I get the news that I didn't get the job that I was really wanting.  They went with someone with their endorsement already obtained.  I can understand their decision.  The school doesn't have to worry about applying for endorsements.  Avoiding paperwork is something everyone does.  However it still hurt like crazy that I was rejected again.  I got a bit of a reprieve when I received a letter from a director telling me that I was classy and that I will get my opportunity soon.  I'm thankful and blessed that someone would consider me classy.  I hadn't heard that in a while from people outside of my family.  I had a hard time will all these events this week.  I asked God why He would put all this on me in a week.  Then I realized that it wasn't God doing this, it was Satan.  Satan saw my happiness and faith in God and decided he would try to discourage me.  I asked God why He would let Satan have his way.  I asked if God would just knock Satan out long enough to get out of this sad funk I'm in.  Just long enough for me to get accepted and hired as a teacher and into a better situation for myself.  I'm realizing now that it's okay to be upset at the things that happen to you.  You just have to remember your trust in God.  God gave me the ability to be saved and one day go to Heaven.  So of course He's going to have something special for me.  No more pity party.  I knew someone who enjoyed being told they were going to be okay more than actually being okay.  Being okay meant that no more pity and no more attention.  Being told they would be okay over and over meant more attention and a lot more comfort.  Being okay means that you have to get out of your comfort zone of sadness and into a turbulent world.  A world that wants to see you fail.  A world that wants to kick you when you are down.  Don't let that world be yours.  You get up and fight.  You tell God that you'll trust Him no matter what.  You tell Satan that he won't have you because God has you.  If you like being sad, miserable, worried, and unsure, then keep on throwing yourself pity parties.  Eventually, people are going to get sick of you.  Eventually, you'll be the only person at the buffet table at your pity party with a mouth full of shrimp and seven empty glasses.  Stand up and be true to the God you say you believe in.  Of course if any of you are believing that there is no God, you're a fool (not my words, God Himself said it).  I refuse to be sad.  I refuse to be down.  I refuse to have anyone or anything keep me from trusting in my God.  This week is preparing me for something great.  What exactly, I can't tell you.  So no, I'm not wrong for questioning.  God encourages us to ask Him what, when, and why.  His answers usually are pretty good.  In fact, they're perfect.  Sometimes, we have to remember that it's not about us.

To my Grandma

Hey Grandma, it's me TJ.  I just wanted to say something to you that I couldn't say to you.  Right now, you're in a much better place.  See, you've been one of my biggest supporters all my life.  You never hesitated to give me a hug or kiss and just tell me you love me.  God blessed me with you over the span of 4 decades.  I got to spend time with you on the houseboat at Bucksport.  Those were some of my favorite times.  I remember when Grandpa and I would go out fishing, then we'd give you the fish and you'd clean them for us and fry it up on that tiny little stove on the boat.  I think that kitchen was the perfect size for you.  I remember staying up pretty late in the summer time with you and Grandpa watching The Arsenio Hall Show.  I remember watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy with Grandpa.  You'd never cheer for me.  Even though I was your little T, you never stopped standing by your man.  I remember that day I got attacked by those wasps on the dock.  I ran down that dock crying, screaming, and yelling.  All you did was walk calmly and tell me to hush.  Even after we realized that you got stung and your hand swoll up and looked like a boxing glove, you had the calmest demeanor ever.  You were a rock.  I saw the hurt you had when Grandpa died.  You stayed as tough as you could through all the mess with Grandpa's belongings.  Through those last few years, particularly the ones in the nursing home, I couldn't look at you without hurting.  I had the hardest time ever getting myself to go visit you in that place.  I couldn't stand to see you like that.  Now you have your perfect body in Heaven.  You're out with Grandpa on that houseboat in Heaven, probably cleaning fish that he caught even though God said we'd never have to work again.  You were always one to do things your way.  Grandma, I love you so much.  Everyday will be dedicated to making you and Grandpa and Daddy proud of me.  I'm going to see Mom and Tristan soon.  They love and miss you too.  I'm sure you knew that.  My heart is broken right now.  God is going to help me through this.  He always does.